I foresee hardly any gasps of amazement as it is revealed that Gordon Brown and David Cameron are in fact both one and the same person, thus explaining such similar policies and the identical carefully crafted sound bites aimed at seducing the electorate.
The Liberal Democrats will continue to appear as a figment of everyone's imagination – including their own.
Nick Griffin, leader of the BNP, will sustain a bump to the head as a result of a rowdy Question Time audience member lobbing a cameraman at him.
I foretell that this will result in a personality change that leaves him with a passion for Rastafarian culture and goat curry.
A tabloid newspaper will uncover the fact that Peter Andre and Jordan are actually puppets belonging to Simon Cowell.
Made from the plastic surgery off-cuts of Cowell's celeb chums, they will join the other dummies on the panel of The X Factor later in the year.
I predict that bankers will be imbued with compassion, realising that their obscene bonuses are not really fair. In a fit of contrition they will make hefty donations to charity.
Knowing that the country's banks have been bailed out by the taxpayer, the UK will witnesses a first: the pinstriped army acknowledging that there are other people on this island beside themselves.
Also getting in touch with remorse, the nation's MPs will have a blinding moment of clarity as it dawns on them that spending ludicrous amounts of our money on wish-list items is simply very wrong.
The runes and the tarot point to some bright spark clocking that we have a population crisis in this country, with an infrastructure
that is inadequate for coping with the sheer volume of people now living here.
This, of course, is not a great prophecy. The fact that someone in power actually does something about it will, however, see many knocked down with a feather.
Running Joke, my Indian Spirit guide, is whispering that there will be an interesting development in the arts in 2010. We will mourn the fact there are no more bands left to reform. Sir Paul McCartney will seize this opportunity and put The Beatles back together, with George and John played by look-a-likes sourced via Britain's Got Talent. The Doors, Joy Division, Nirvana and Elvis soon follow.
Finally, the tea leaves show quite clearly that as Bognor Birdman returns to the town in its 30th year it will attract a record number of participants and break all known records for spectators, proving that staging an event in its rightful home is exactly as it should be.
Ah, but the ball is misting and my other bits of fortune telling paraphernalia have to be put away now as Mrs B needs to dust the sitting room
Here's hoping you have plenty of good fortune in 2010...
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