Sir Cliff Richard is proudly celebrating his 50th year in showbusiness this year. Congratulations (and celebrations), Sir Cliff. But does the Bachelor Boy deserve such acclaim?
Don't get me wrong, I have been known to join in with a few rousing choruses of Mistletoe and Wine around Christmas time.
I have even been known, after a few ales, to get my rocks off to his 1981 hit Wired for Sound.
But Cliff is a cult. And cu
lts have disciples. And we all know cults are dangerous, with rational thinking scooting out of the window and being replaced with blind adulation.
I do not know any Cliff Richard fans. I do not know anyone who buys his music, goes to his concerts or is a member of his fan club.
My social and professional circle is wide and varied and yet no-one I know is a Cliff devotee.
This puzzles me, as the law of averages dictates surely I must know someone who relishes his work. After all, Sir Cliff has sold 250 million records worldwide.
I'm desperate to find and get to know a Cliff fan so I can try to understand what the fascination is.
Bashing Cliff has become a bit of a national pastime by some elements of the media, but while I am not saying this is justified, it is deliciously tempting to lampoon him.
So I am going to take a bit of a punt on what sort of person a typical Cliff fan might be. Female, I'd guess, as I simply cannot imagine any man buying a Cliff disc.
Secondly, I am guessing the lion's share of his fan base must have discovered him in their first flush of youth; while Sir Sexy Specs was at his most dashing.
The question is where do you go to find such ladies? The local bingo hall, the Women's Institute or the dress section in Marks & Spencer? Where do Cliff fans hang out and how do you spot them?
One thing I am not remotely interested in is his sexuality. The media's obsession with which team he bats for is of no interest to me.
His newly-released autobiography revealed that over the past eight years he has shared his Surrey home with a Roman Catholic priest. So what?
No, I want to converse with a Cliff fan to talk about his music to try to establish what his appeal is.
Maybe it's you. Do you have some Cliff tunes in your collection? Are you prepared to stand up and be counted as a living, Cliff-loving doll?
Let me know so I can finally establish if Cliff fans can justify their love, or whether it is simply blind adulation for a man who has not released a decent tune since 1985.
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