Now, let us be clear, Mrs B is a very direct woman and so I seldom need to worry about any discrepancy between what she says and what she might actually mean. But it seems I am in the minority.

According to many of my male callers, understanding women is right up there with the Labours of Hercules.

A new book by Dr Linda Papadopolous explores how men and women communicate and hopes to 'penetrate the language barrier of man-speak'.

Dr Linda has written many books and articles on psychology. She regularly appears on TV shows such as This Morning, Richard and Judy and GMTV and was the resident psychologist on Big Brother.

Doc Linda's book makes fascinating reading. Asking what a man actually means when he says to his wife or girlfriend she has 'great curves', she explains the female mind naturally translates this into meaning her bloke considers her fat. Unbelievable!

She also questions the intention of a man when he might suggest meeting a woman for coffee. Does he really want coffee or is he after something saucier?

This got me worried. I have popped out for coffee with plenty of female friends and colleagues, but I have never wanted to take them to bed. Well, not often.

Seriously, does every woman really suspect a man is up to no good if he suggests going for shot of caffeine?

And it baffles further. For many years there has been one question no man has been able to find the perfect answer for. In fact, I do not believe the perfect answer exists, but maybe wiser men reading this could come to my aid.

How is a man supposed to answer the question: 'Does my bum look big in this?'

According to Dr Linda, for an answer to be truly accepted, a man should stop what he is doing, make eye contact with the woman and mirror her body language. Then, without any inflection, he should proudly tell his partner her bottom looks perfectly peachy.

This is all well and good but the good doctor fails to address the problem of what to do if the bottom in question is a bit flabby or on the large side.

In my experience, it is best to remain quiet and not even think about suggesting liposuction (I have never been so terrified of Mrs B as when those words carelessly tripped off my tongue).

So, if being a modern man is a daily challenge for you, the one lesson I have learned is effective communication is the key to solving most problems.

And if that fails, a purchase from the Clarins counter for a few apologetic goodies is usually a banker.



Christmas fun

Those fabulous people at the Cat and Rabbit Rescue Centre in Sidlesham are trying to raise money for their new cat building.

So far they have raised a whopping £155,000 towards the £350,000 target and are hoping their Christmas fayre, at the rescue centre on Sunday, will raise more much-needed dosh.

Promising Christmas fun for all the family, lots of bargains, scrummy food and a free park and ride (follow signs on B2145 to Sidlesham) entry is either £1 or some cat or rabbit food.

They also have a very tempting auction happening online at www.crrc.co.uk which includes signed photos from Portsmouth Football Club. Running from 11am to 3pm, please go along and support this excellent cause.



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