The politically-correct lobby has made us aware of so many ludicrous 'isms,' it was only a matter of time before heightism took its chances as a concept deserving of mockery and derision.

Research in Australia has apparently revealed that taller men get larger salaries because they are regarded as more intelligent and powerful.

The professor responsible for the research said:"We found taller people earn more, with the effect being strongest for men.

"For example, the average man in our sample is 5ft 10ins tall. Our estimates suggest if he was 6ft tall he would earn an extra £470 a year."

I look down upon this claim from a position of lofty penury. At 6ft 5ins tall, I suppose I should feel mildly flattered. Instead, for the first time in my life I feel short – short-changed that is.

According to these calculations I should have been earning almost £3,000 a year more than my average-sized counterparts. Believe me, it didn't happen.

Indeed, looking back on my career it seems to have been teeming with little blokes who went on to do very well for themselves.

We have to be careful here because this entire discourse could easily slip into the realms of a Carry On script, but a few extra inches often acted as a positive disadvantage.

Little bosses don't much care for tall employees. We are not easily intimidated, and it's no coincidence that the last (and best) guv'nor I ever had also stood at 6ft 5ins.

Editors like Hugh Cudlipp and David English may have been giants within the newspaper industry, but they wouldn't have been first pick for a basketball side.

It was the same with wonderful newspaper columnists like Alan Coren and William Connor (Cassandra). They walked tall – but only metaphorically speaking.

Janet Street Porter, on the other hand, is well over six feet tall and was by some distance the least distinguished editor the Independent on Sunday ever had.

In short (if you'll pardon the expression) the Aussie professor's findings are meaningless guff.

In virtually every walk of life, other than that for which height is an absolute pre-requisite, average-sized people (and even those on the diminutive side) will always get their share of success.



* Neighbours has left us with much for which to be ungrateful since it began almost 25 years ago.

But its most lasting (and irritating) legacy is the rising inflection at the end of each sentence, which makes every statement sound like a question.

I fear another verbal affectation – which has its genesis Down Under – is about to be visited upon us.

Have you noticed the number of Australian cricketers, pundits and commentators who start almost every sentence with the words 'hey, look...' or 'hey, listen...?'

If you haven't, you soon will. And when you do, it will drive you mad.


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