Right then brothers and sisters, a question: If the Olympics is the greatest show on earth, what does that make Euro 2012? About the ninth greatest, by my reckoning.
But don’t let other big summer events distract you from the need to devote the next three weeks to wall-to-wall football and, more importantly, wall-to-wall sitting on the sofa surrounded by Iceland family party packs of vegetable samosas and Morrisons’ cheapest lager.
The difference between this column and the others on these pages is that I’m not pretending to know anything about European international football.
Those who know me will confirm I’m quite inward-looking with my football.
I’ll ‘follow’ English teams in Europe but would forego Barca v Real if Gosport were playing Fareham.
But major international tournaments are my exception. I love them, not so much for the top-class total football on display (and England games) but for the chance to:
* Spot daft haircuts and obscure lookalikes.
* Get excited when I see an ex-Pompey player (especially Kostas Chalkias) in any way connected with the tournament.
* Pull apart the TV pundits.
My wallchart and channel guide are at my side and I’m ready for action, with my friends in Twitterland under orders to help.
For ITV games I may watch with the sound turned down – to avoid listening to Tyldo and Towners – and have the radio commentary on.
But for games Allan Green’s commentating on, I’ll have the radio on with the sound down and the TV turned up.
I’m already irritated by the BBC’s coverage. Poor old Wayne Rooney was already facing a fortnight of bordeom on the sidelines when they sent Alan Shearer to interview him. Can things get worse for Wazza?
Poland versus Greece kicks us off tonight but without the pundit panel we all want to see – Gary Lineker, Joey Barton and Vincent Kompany.
Instead it’s Alan Hansen, Lee Dixon and Clarence Seedorf. Wonder which three teams Hansen thinks will get through from that group?
Anyway, enough of the preliminaries. Settle down, watch the action and... don’t mention Rio Ferdinand.
I mentioned him once but don’t think the man from the FA heard it.
Got an opinion on the TV coverage? Send a tweet to @stevebone1 or email firstname.lastname@example.org