LAURA CARTLEDGE: Am I a fool for wanting unicycles in Chichester and avocado lipgloss?

IMAGINE a Boris bike hire scheme – only with unicycles and in Chichester.

I think it would be brilliant and as the idea’s creator Fred Ellis, of Pedal4Health, points out, it would be ‘half the cost, as only one wheel’.

The only hitch, other than possible pile-ups, was the date the plan was revealed.

Making it a great example of why I strongly dislike April Fools Day.

It puts me on edge – you either don’t believe things are true, or are disappointed they aren’t.

To be fair, the majority fall into the first category.

You’d have to catch me before my first cuppa to make me believe the South Downs, ‘to avoid confusion with tourists’, are to be renamed the South Ups.

And while an edible box from a certain pizza chain made sense as a ‘waste-free dining experience’, it would have been messy.

Falling under the ‘I wish’ label was a ‘gorgeous guacamole’ lipgloss from Avon’s ‘new Spring Antipasto’ range.

But it also revealed more about my addiction to avocados than I realised.

The British Library’s claim it had discovered ‘a long-lost medieval cookbook’ could have had me if it wasn’t for the fact it apparently included recipes for unicorns.

With such a diverse range of things which could have made me the fool – the one that came closest is a disappointment on many levels.

In my defencem Scottish Independence makes me sad and mad.

It feels a bit like a petty family row.

Only instead of arguing over who geta the china teaset, it is about government powers and the NHS.

Making you want to hide under the dining table until the coast is clear.

So hearing that, if the divorce happens, Alex Salmond’s head would replace the Queen’s on pound coins, almost made sense. In an ‘aha, that’s his motive’ kind of way.

I suppose time will tell who gets the last laugh.