Not sure whether to laugh or cry

I have used it before, of course, when pushed, but I don't usually like to this early in the season for fear of throwing myself and others into a premature panic.

I am talking about Christmas, obviously, and the whole starting up of the thing.

I vow every year to put anti-festive blinkers on, humming loudly and blotting out the three month build-up to what is effectively a meal with a cracker or two if you are lucky.

But 'tis tricky, is it not, when the bombardment begins as summer's shadows have barely started to lengthen?

Take this week. There I was stemming the tide of emails with my delete button when one pinged in about something called a 'Savoy Cuff'.

I was being urged to snap up this item, a sort of jewel-encrusted wrist enhancer (not a bracelet, mind, that would be too obvious a label), if I was to be the belle of the Christmas ball.

This glittering, glitzy thing, beloved by the likes of Victoria Beckham and other assorted WAGs and X-Factor judges, would lend another dimension to my festive outfit and make me stand out from the Christmas crowd.

I am sure it would, and very striking and sparkly it was too, but don't these people know that when it comes to Christmas itself, after all the present buying, sprout peeling, gift wrapping, card writing, turkey basting, stocking stuffing, stuffing mixing, pudding steaming, peace keeping and grumpy dad cheering, I never feel less like the belle of the ball.

And to think I am already, before Autumn has even got its grip, thinking about a Christmas outfit to be irritable wicked witch of the kitchen in, is baffling in the extreme.

* Do you have those circular conversations with teenage sons that make you wonder if it is just you?

Son comes out of the bathroom and I say: "have you finished?". He says "finished what?". I say "finished in the bathroom?" And he says: "what do you mean?" And so on. Ring any bells?

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