The Cross Word: Can Obi-Wan Cookie awaken force in Pompey?

Pompey boss Paul Cook... or should that be Obi-Wan Cookie? Picture: Joe Pepler
Pompey boss Paul Cook... or should that be Obi-Wan Cookie? Picture: Joe Pepler

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

...There was a mysterious and much sought-after land called Nextlevel.

They hadn’t reckoned on the formation of the Pompey Rebel Alliance.

Many believed this oft-spoken of destination to be a mythical place, which lay beyond the Holy Grail system next to the planets Shergar and Lucan.

That was underlined by many Premier League commanders failing in their quests to reach this promised destination.

Emperors from planets such as Boltonsine and Charltonant talked of leaving their prosperous and stable homes in the top flight on a mission to reach Nextlevel.

That led to them overhauling their long-serving crews and replacing their starfleets.

Their quests weren’t to run smoothly, however, and were aborted as they crash-landed into a feared world known as Secondtier.

Meanwhile, in a dark and barren corner of the galaxy known only as Basementleague a once powerful and renowned force had come to rest.

This force was closely followed by a band of island folk known as the People’s Republic of Portsmouth.

These hardy and fiercely proud fighters cherished their greatest asset, curiously known as Pompey.

Despite many legends no-one quite knew the history of the name but Pompey elders spoke of the great history of this once feared force.

The wisest of those elders was a grand master known as Bazza, who told of the days when Pompey thrived and was the envy of the galaxy.

Evil forces were at work, however, and eyed the riches and prosperity which resided there.

The famous Lord Meelan was feted for his work developing Pompey into such a happy and fertile area of the Republic.

He created a renowned legacy which was passed on to a character called Sachakin.

At first, Sachakin offered more hope to the Pompey force but questions over the influence of the shadowy Darth Arkadi dogged him.

Eventually, Sachakin gave into the dark pull of Arkadi and his true character emerged in the shape of the dastardly Darth Gayda.

Soon Gayda had seized all of Pompey’s rich assets and turned it into a desolate place. Gayda’s evil work then paved the way for all the dark forces of the galaxy to push Pompey to the brink of destruction.

That led to a mercenary band consisting of Count Vlad, Balram the Hutt and Kylo Mirage forming a loathsome group known collectively as Doonapompey.

There was a character called Jar Jar Fahinks as well but no-one took him seriously.

These pillagers were intent on finally destroying Pompey with their greed but they hadn’t reckoned on the formation of the Pompey Rebel Alliance.

With the support of Chancellor Birch, the Alliance roused the force which existed in the People’s Republic to save Pompey at the 11th hour.

As its survival was celebrated, Emperor Beardymac was placed at Pompey’s helm to see the force into a period of light known as the New Era.

Beardymac formed a senate with the Alliance and his trusted allies Ash Brownwalker and Cats Yolo.

The New Era was not to pass smoothly, though, as renowned Pompey Jedi tried and failed to rouse the force once again.

But then came a new hope in the shape of a leader known as Obi-Wan Cookie. With help from the Republic, Cookie assembled a powerful army to see Pompey rise.

Despite the evidence suggesting it was a myth, Cookie was a fervent believer Nextlevel existed and his unflinching faith saw his army begin to wake Pompey from their slumber.

But, with their latest battle at a pivotal stage, Cookie sent a message to the senate via the droid R2DNews.

When decoded properly, the message asked the senate for generals to add to his ranks.

The Alliance knew continuing to fund the army’s growth, along with Pompey’s infrastructure, would eventually provide many deep and profound questions for the Alliance to answer.

Now we wait to see whether Cookie can truly find Nextlevel.

Will he receive the support to awaken the force? Does the senate need additional backing? Will the rebels sanction it? Does only Bazza have the answers?

To be continued...